RAIN Practice of Compassion
Morning,
I’m bringing you a great technique by psychologist Tara Brach. It’s an aid to stepping in front of ourselves when we experience tricky emotions.
The trick is to practice when calm, to be able to call on when under emotional pressure. Mornings offer a space when the world feels fresh, untouched, hassle free. So, use this light sense of ease to work through this one, so you can call upon when you really need it.
I’ve used some of the words from Tara herself to describe this. So that you can see her sentiment and style of expression:
R is Recognize what is happening;
A is Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
I is Investigate with interest and care;
N is Nurture with self-compassion.
R - Recognise What’s Going On
Recognising means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that are affecting you.
This can be a done with a simple mental whisper, noting what you are most aware of.
A—Allow the Experience to be There, Just as It Is
Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations you have recognized simply be there, without trying to fix or avoid anything. This is not what we typically do. We dive in and take those emotions as news, as facts, as flags to fly off in different directions and often act in a way that we will later want to un-do, or extend and ruminate on the feelings to build them.
You might recognize fear, and allow by mentally whispering “it’s ok” or “this belongs” or “yes.”
Allowing creates a pause that makes it possible to deepen attention.
I—Investigate with Interest and Care
To investigate, call on your natural curiosity and your need to want to know the truth. It gives you permission to direct more focused attention to your present experience.
You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need?
N—Nurture with Self-Compassion
Self-compassion begins to naturally arise in the moments that you recognize you are suffering. It comes into fullness as you intentionally nurture your inner life with self-care.
To do this, try to sense what the wounded, frightened or hurting place inside you most needs, and then offer some gesture of active care that might address this need. Does it need a message of reassurance? Of forgiveness? Of companionship? Of love?
Experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to comfort, soften or open your heart. It might be the mental whisper, I’m here with you. I’m sorry, and I love you. I love you, and I’m listening. It’s not your fault. Trust in your goodness.
In addition to a whispered message of care, many people find healing by gently placing a hand on the heart or cheek; or by envisioning being bathed in or embraced by warm, radiant light. If it feels difficult to offer yourself love, bring to mind a loving being, family member, friend or pet—and imagine that being’s love and wisdom flowing into you.
After the RAIN
When you’ve completed the active steps of RAIN, it’s important to notice the quality of your own presence and rest in that wakeful, tender space of awareness.
The joy of RAIN is when the penny drops that you no longer have to be imprisoned in or locked in with painful emotions. You can observe them and create distance.
For me this technique is most useful when I am on the brink of flaring up in reaction to the children. If they say something that triggers my own pains, or personal sensitivity, I can either react or unplug from them and check in to me. When I check in with myself, sense comes. I can self soothe and take a few critical breaths. Before I know it, the emotions have lost their power and we all glide through more peacefully.
Try it, share your feedback if time allows.
