Using Mindfulness to Change Emotions in 90 Seconds

Good morning,

Today’s little leg up is about emotions.

Emotions are magical and mobilising. Emotions can also be also punishing and prohibitive to progress. When we’re feeling less than desirable emotions, these block our way to other more fruitful feelings.

The concept I want you to mull over today is this.

It only takes 90 seconds to shift out of a negative emotion.

The trick is that you must not FEED the emotion for 90 seconds for it to fade away.

Emotions are simply what we feel due to a biochemical reaction in our bodies. These rushes of emotion are transitory, meaning temporary. If not perpetuated, they will pass in about 90 seconds.

So, what keeps emotions, especially negative ones like anger, mulling around for minutes, hours or even days? Here is the important part. The cause of the biochemical reaction that we call emotion is our thoughts. They can be conscious thoughts (the ones we know we’re thinking) or unconscious thoughts (such as beliefs or programming that we don’t realize are active within us).

These thoughts send a signal to our brain as to what we should feel, and the flood of chemicals ensues. By continuing to think about whatever it is that triggered the emotion you continue to feed the emotion. You keep it active by continuing to dwell on it, you fuel it further with your own brain chemical composition.

This simply means that by stopping the thoughts that feed the emotion, the emotion will subside.

Here’s one for you

Have you ever had a conversation with someone, especially one that was heated, and then hours after you stopped interacting with them you find yourself continuing the conversation in your head? The problem with this is that as long as you keep thinking about the conversation, the longer your brain thinks the argument is happening because your brain doesn’t know the difference between what is happening and what you are imagining. The result is that you continue feeling angry.

Or how about this?

Someone you know is behaving irrational. Your emotions switch, you feel challenged, you want to fight back. If you fight back, you know you’ll start a fire. Something much bigger than what is going on in the here and now. I can connect with this one as a parent. If I charge up and let my lead instinctive emotion take over, things go on and on. If I create a 90 second gap, between the stimulus and my response, I disarm, I can distract myself with a more positive emotion.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

How to break the chain

The answer lies in these magical quiet moments. By developing skills in mindfulness in these quiet windows, we strengthen our ability to pull ourselves out of the thoughts. To step back and become the observer. To manage ourselves and our minds as the calm rational and reasonable owner of our mind.

The 90 second candle meditation

So, the first practice is to take a 90 second pause now. To light a candle as a meditative practice to hold space for yourself. To be present and experience the simplicity of 90 second of peace.

Using a candle’s flame as a visual object of your attention for meditation is a practice that has been used throughout human history. It’s such a grounding practice, no frills, just fundamentally moving.

When you are ready, light your candle. Take a few long, deep breaths and bring your attention to the flame. Watch the flame as it dances and observe the details of its movements. Look at the very top of the flame and notice that it is a different colour than the bottom of the flame. Observe the smoke stream that leaves the top of the flame and billows up into the air. Observe if any wax is melting and watch it as it moves. When your mind wanders, gently bring your awareness back to the flame. Experience the 90 second window. Observe what comes up for you. Come back to this exercise as many times as you can. It’s benefit goes way beyond the simplicity of the task.

The longer candle meditation

The candle pause pulls me in. If you can, pad out for another 10 minutes one morning. You can enhance the experience of this exercise by assigning meaning to the flame. For example, the flame is a wonderful metaphor for love and light. If you have been experiencing challenges in your life, as you observe the flame visualize the light penetrating the darkness of your mind. Allow the light and love of the flame to fill every cell of your body.

The flame is also purifying, and you can imagine the flame burning away any thoughts or feelings you may have of fear, hate, insecurity, anger, anxiety, self-judgment, sadness, guilt, or resentments. Imagine the light filling the space that was formerly taken up by the unwanted feelings.

If you can go there, you can imagine that the flame is igniting your passions from within. You can feel an excitement as you feel yourself expanding out into the world and becoming all that you were meant to be. Enjoy and give permission to the flame to be the spark that ignites your ambition for today, the week, the chapter of your life.

Questions for today?

Here are a few questions to journal on or take forward for some rumination today:

Which thoughts trap me?

Notice the patterns, what comes up on repeat and how can you calmly get insight on that outside of the moment, right now?

What is life like when I trap myself within the prison of a thought?

What does this do to you? How long does it go on for, what is the impact on others?

What can I do to address this?

Is there a conversation to be had with someone, a change in routine, a practical exercise at the time of the conflict that I can prepare for?

What would life be like if I conquered this?

What’s worth trying for? What is this worth to you?

Have a great day, Laura